Whenever this time of year comes around, I try to stop to take time to appreciate the things (and people) that I know I am so fortunate to have.
This year, I am finding this reflection a bit more challenging. Don't get me wrong. I know I'm lucky to have what I do, it's just that for the last two or three weeks, I've felt bogged down and beaten down by the mire that is my life right now. I've been trying to see a way out, to get a fresh perspective and really feel genuine thankfulness.
I thought five days in Beijing might help - a short break away having fun with students I enjoy and being part of an activity I love. It did help. But, when I returned, I started to feel as if my very presence just complicated things. It was almost like things were better at home when I was gone, which is oddly funny because I worried so much about being gone.
No major crisis is happening, in case you're wondering. It's just the parenting. It's getting the better of me these days. And, I fear that stormy days are still ahead. Tonight, we dealt with behaviour from Buddy that we've never had to deal with before. For no apparent reason that we can understand, he punched a kid.
At the beginning of the day today, I had planned to try and find time to make a list of all the things I'm thankful for, but sitting through parent conferences today and coming home this evening to make this discovery, I find that I'm really not in a genuine mood of gratitude. Forgive me. I'll revisit this. I want to, just not tonight.