Monday, November 8, 2010

Beneath the surface.

Dear readers,

If I've given you the impression that my life is rosy and cheerful, please let me apologize.  This couldn't be farther from the truth.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I think I have it good.  A sweet family, a loving husband, a roof over my head and a job.

But, that hardly gets to the real life chaos that I live day in and day out.  Having three kids is hard.  There is never a spare moment, conflict-free, or quiet.  Our house is loud.  And, this weekend - not for any significant reason other than the usual - it was made louder by the fact that I yelled.  At my children.  A lot.

And, I swore.  A lot.

I was grumpy.  With everybody.  I got weepy, explaining to Joey that I felt like my life was out of control.  No one listens to me.

I'm not proud of my behaviour this weekend.  Joey encouraged me to take a nap yesterday, and usually I can't nap because I have too much on my mind.  Yesterday, I did.  It helped a little.  But I still yelled this morning.

So, I have no point to this post, except to be honest.

Thank goodness for unconditional love.  I don't always deserve it, but I'm glad that I get it anyhow.


Shan said...

Oh Norbyah, you made me cry - pregnancy cry. I know your life isn't all rosy - not that that is meant to be an insult. I just think as women we tend to portray a strength to others. It is only those close to us that see our true vulnerabilities. And one vulnerability is losing our cool with our children. Just the other day I said to Amaya, 'Will you stop your f'en whinging. It's doing my head in!' And of course, she didn't stop whinging! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. xo

gilly said...

I swear (in my head or under my breath) a million times a day. I shout and scream about packing away toys, don't pinch your brother, don't shout at me, Don't don't don't stop stop stop threaten threaten threaten.... all day long. Then at night when I'm lying in bed I give myself a little pep talk topped off with a mammoth dollop of guilt. Must do better tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and same all over again. Today I was forhead to forhead with a 3year old both of us growling (it's the only word to describe it) at each other. Seriously?!! Is this right??

Unknown said...

I guess that's what this blog is for. Sharing and preserving all the beautiful moments with your family. Taking a break from the reality of it. I mean, I wish I had written a blog about my children. Especially now that my eldest son was just diagnosed with leukemia. I still yell, scream and sometimes spank their bottoms but I don't have a place to look back at the good times. Consider yourself lucky dear. You are definitely not alone. To me you are special because I could look up to you and makes me appreciate my children even more. Nobody's perfect but to me you're a wonderful mom. Buddy, Ella and Cally are the luckiest children in the world to have a mom like you.

acommonthread said...

oh no! i'm sorry to hear that you're going through a bit of a rough patch, but i think my life is hectic....i couldn't imagine throwing 3 kids into the mix! hang in there....!

and, hope it cheers you up -- i posted a picture of you looking lovely today!!

MER BAGS said...

it's okay porker. we all have our moments, and sometimes there is just no stopping them. part of being a bobbing human is in fact being human, and having our bad days. you are a wonderful mother and sister and friend. i love you.

MER BAGS said...

oops. even though rob didn't write that, know he feels the same way. love you.

Anonymous said...

loved this post - it was so honest! I agree with you, on the surface life can seem just simple and good, and it actually is, but it doesn't mean everything is still so difficult to handle! I have to say you DO make it seem so easy, so fun, in all of your posts -talking about individual time with buddy, ella, and cally, but i know in reality it's not. just wanna say you're doing a GREAT JOB! you are such a good mom.

im on the same page with you on naps. i can never take one! I know i'm exhausted but as soon as i lie die a million and one things start racing through my head. plus, i wake up more tired. so i try not to say nap anymore, just i'm going to lie down and rest my head for a bit. haha.

Jia You Ms Nolasco! :)

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